Baby #3 was not born

Today is Thursday. Thursday is when my OB is on call in the hospital. My due date with Baby #3 was February 24, 2012. My doctor doesn't like her patients to carry a baby 42 weeks. Today was the last day. The last possible day that Baby #3 could be inside my womb. She would have to come out. Except she had already left months ago.

On Thursday, December 4, 2008, I woke up at 5 am to call the hospital to see if there was a room available. 11 hours later, I was holding our firstborn, Jay. That night, I drank a Double Chocolate Fudge milkshake from Steak 'n Shake.

On Monday, May 3, 2010 I had an OB appointment to check on Baby Ben, who was late like Jay. The doctor told me Thursday, May 6 I would be induced. But then she switched days with another doctor so we changed it to Friday. On May 7, 2010, I woke up at 5 am and called the hospital to see if there was a room available. 6 hours later, I was holding our second child, Ben. That night, I drank a Double Chocolate Fudge milkshake from Steak 'n Shake.

On Thursday, March 1, 2012, I woke up at 6 am. I went back to sleep because I didn't want to remember that I didn't have to call the hospital that morning. That it didn't matter if there were a room available. That no matter how many hours went by, I wouldn't hold Baby #3.
I woke up at 8. I went to the park with Jay and Ben. I talked and laughed with my friends. We ate lunch together. We talked about how we can be godly mothers. We watched our kids run and climb and throw dirt. I bought the kids fancy lollipops and gummies shaped like hot dogs and hamburgers. I smiled. I took the van to the high class car wash where they even vacuum the space where the sliding door's wheel rolls. It always has cheerios in it. I sang Philippians 2:14-18 to a catchy tune while I waited for the van. I went on a date with my husband. I cried because we weren't at the hospital. We held hands in the car. I ate sushi and thought it was delicious. I held Ben and we laughed and laughed for no reason. I read books to Jay and he asked me questions about the pictures. I didn't drink a Double Chocolate Fudge milkshake from Steak 'n Shake. I cried.

On Thursday, December 4, 2008, God gave us Jay. On Friday, May 7, 2010, God gave us Ben. Two miracles. On Thursday, March 1, 2012, God gave me rest, fellowship, wisdom, laughter, entertainment, His Word, order, romance, and peace. What would you call those things?

When I cry about losing our precious daughter, I remember who God is. I remember that He is holding her along with the rest of His children. When I cry, I cry on God's shoulder. That is called Comfort. You might have had comfort before. But you can't have Comfort unless you have Christ. And I have Him. So I have everything.